6 WAYS TO SAY BYE-BYE TO A HARAAM RELATIONSHIP
Falling in love sometimes can be inevitable. So tempting it can be that dipping your toes in it is just not enough, but the fear of Allah and the risk of jeopardizing your chastity don’t let you jump into it either. The hardest part is that for now you are in no position to tie the knot of Nikah and you just can’t turn a blind eye to the situation. You are left with two options. Begin a relationship (haram) or just let it go for the sake of Allah (Right on!). Do you realize that choosing the latter is a clear indication that you are already in a pure love relationship with Allah and you prefer His approval more than your personal desires? Yes! You are on the right track. But not now when you are unable to shove her off your mind, you feel sad and restless? That is yet another trial.
Here are few points to help combat depression, balance your staggered gait and move on.
GO COLD TURKEY
Just cut the cord once and for all. Save yourself the pain of reanimating the agony every now and then. Stop contacting her, delete all texts, emails, Facebook messages or voice messages and DON’T cyber-stalk her. Avoid going to places where you might run into her. Just stop sneaking up on her. But before taking this step, just once let her know the purpose and intention of your decision. It will be unfair to leave her clueless. Remember that the initial step is always the hardest, but once it’s over you can move on with the help of Allah. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) tells us in a Hadith that Allah says,
“When my servant comes to me walking, I go to him running.” (Bukhari)
REKINDLE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH ALLAH
Satan is always in an ambush, ready to pounce whenever catches us vulnerable; and post-breakup is always the right time when he can whisper and invoke all kinds of evil into our hearts. To avoid succumbing to his traps, strengthen your bond with Allah. Sadness always creates a vacuum in the heart and the positive energy of Allah is always there to fulfill it.
Get regular with your prayers, understand the meaning of our namaz so you feel like conversing with Him, make long supplications (duaa), cry, ask for forgiveness, peace of mind and a better replacement. When a Sahabi, husband of Umme Salamah passed away she made a dua
ALLAHUMMA AJIRNI FI MUSEEBATI WAKHLUF LI KHAIRUMMINHA
“O Allah! Reward me for this infliction and replace with a better one”
According to a hadith narrated by Abu Hurraira, Allah says.
“When 1/3rd of the night remains, every night Allah says till the dawn to break “whoever wants me something, I shall give. Whoever supplicates to me, I shall accept the prayer. Whoever repents, I shall forgive him/her.”
Trust this. Crying in tahajjud is the best medicine for all forms of grieves. You not only get to cry away your sorrow but get peace and supplication answered in the best form that He wishes for you.
STAY AWAY FROM MUSIC
Many things will target your emotional vulnerability. Music being halaal or not is one thing, but it will surely hit you. Every song would seem about you two. All lyrics and rhythms will touch your cords. So, cut yourself some slack and stay away from music, movies, fantasy novels or anything which moves you and indulge you into self-pity, helplessness and depression. Save your tears and stay strong.
Discover your self-worth. Think out of the box. Life isn’t just about finding the right partner and getting married, although Nikah is recommended on its right time; but don’t make it the only goal of life. Dream big, indulge yourself in activities you like. Go for a vacation. Eat healthy, drink plenty of water, exercise, meditate, volunteer for welfare campaigns, give sadqa, help people around you, keep remembering Allah in your heart, know that He is with you, be a better person!
Once you realize the purpose of your creation, that’s when you transcend and surpass all obstacles. That’s when the thread tied to your ego (Nafs) is finally cut off.
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE
Be around righteous people. Cut off from so-called friends who lure you into sinful acts. Befriend young, energetic and religious people. They will help you get out of this mess and guide you. Tell them your story and get their perspective and advice. Get closer to your siblings and parents. Allah clearly tells the criteria for a good friend in the Quran,
“And keep yourself patiently with those who call on their Lord morning and afternoon, seeking His Face, and let not your eyes overlook them, desiring the pomp and glitter of the life of the world; and obey not him whose heart We have made heedless of Our Remembrance, one who follows his own lusts and whose affair (deeds) has been lost.” (18:28)
May Allah give us strength, will power and consistency. May Allah bless us with righteous and pious life partners. Ameen.
May Allah SWT bless all Muslim brothers and sisters with happiness in their family life!