Discipline your kids, the right way

Sarah woke up an hour before the kids, prepared breakfast and tidied up the house.  Then made tea, took an invigorating sip and Aah finally! Few relaxing moments of some me time.  “I have become a dragon. I should take some time out for meditation for anger management” she thought to herself.

 

Deep breath number 1

Deep breath number 2

Deep breath number 3

 

and WHAM! Toy basket was pushed which emptied on the floor scattering toys far and beyond the kitchen to the terrace. Her son stood there all smiles, victorious and eyes gleaming with mischief. Sigh! “So much for the me-time” she thought hopelessly and got up.

Very soon the laundry basket was tumbling down the stairs, mirror smeared with baby food and milk spilled on the bed. Sarah kept cleaning up the mess while constantly frowning and scoring her son. She had dishes waiting in the sink and raw material spread on the kitchen counter to be cooked into a meal. It was beginning of the noon and Sarah already felt energy less. Her boy was ardent, overly enthusiastic and hot blooded, difficult to handle and prone to throwing tantrums.

She finished cooking and then began the tantrum, the first episode of that day. He whined and kept pulling her dress asking for something in his incomprehensible alien language. Sarah’s ignoring strategy worked no more, a rage boiled up and SMACK! A slap on the face. This event was followed by screaming and sobbing of the baby and later guilt and weeping of the mother.

Mothers are resilient beings when it comes to kids testing their patience. But at times they go far beyond the line of tolerance provoking the enraged mothers to get physically abusive.

 

Disciplining kids the right way can be an ordeal. Some parents opt for physical punishment, some stick to verbal warnings or even abuse and few parents just don’t seem to care whatever their kids do.

Remember! Small children who are younger than 7 years have raw minds. Their neuronal network is not well developed and so they are still in the process of understanding the world around them. It’s much harder for them to understand than it is for us to see them do the refrained acts. However, their memory pitch is very fertile. Abusing and humiliating them can scar their minds for life.

Let’s see what our dear Prophet Hazrat Muhammad (sallal lahu alaihi wasallam) has to say about it;

 

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle kissed Al-Hasan bin Ali while Al-Aqra’ bin Habis At-Tamim was sitting beside him. Al-Aqra said,

“I have ten children and I have never kissed anyone of them,” Allah’s Apostle cast a look at him and said; “Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.” 

(Sahih Bukhari, Book #73, Hadith #26)

 

We should highly deplore domestic violence of any kind. Now let me share 5 tips for disciplining those stubborn little ones.

 

1.      DONT BEAT YOUR KIDS

 

SMACK! POWW!  There you go. Muslim parents proudly declare beating and spanking as their first line of disciplining regimen. But in the long run this may prove to be a niche in the mental development of your kid and he might even come to abhor you secretly. Physical punishment of any kind ONLY worsens the irritability of a child throwing a tantrum.

Instead, advocate the strategy of either ignoring till he learns to calm his nerves or just divert his attention.  You can also recite

Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyumu Birahmatika Astagheesu

when you feel that you are losing the patience.

 

2.       REWARD THEM

If a bad behavior is dealt with silence therapy, then why not foster and encourage a good behavior with rewards like a simple buck-up phrase, appreciation, clapping, candy or just a hug? This would inculcate confidence in the child, good behavior and civility.

 

3.       COMMUNICATE

Oh yes! That’s what we do all the time.  Communicating via WhatsApp and social media right? No mommies please! Put down your phone and talk to your baby. Kids these days go ludicrously crazy to catch mommy’s attention because they feel deprived of it. A relationship with surplus communication always flourish.  Play with them, talk to them because unlike ours, their socializing is confined to us.

 

4.      FUN ACTIVITIES

It’s an ordeal for stay – at – home moms to provide their curious and vigorous kids with a variety of indoor activities to keep them busy and less prone to tantrums.  Generally, kids love to play with mud and water. So here it is. Next time you visit a beach, get them a bag or two full of sand and put it in a wooden box on your terrace or garden. Stick plastic spoons or beach toys in it to give them the real feel. Indoor baby pools are readily available and can give moms good amount of time to do chores or relax while the little ones enjoy splashing in the water. However, always keep surveillance on kids who can’t walk yet.

 

5.      BE A GOOD EXAMPLE

Every kid is born with a unique set of genes that determines his personality. Brought up environment and behavior’s however have a deep impact on their psychology.  So THIS should actually be the first line of disciplining drill. Set a good example and they will follow you. Physical or verbal abuse will only raise a damaged personality. Be courteous, humane, and amiable, follow the Sunnah and watch them grow into noble humans.


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May Allah SWT bless all Muslim brothers and sisters with happiness in their family life!

 

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