Me and My in laws

Question:

I t has been two and a half years since I was married. During this duration there was no cooperation between me and my in laws. There was also no cooperation of my in laws with me and my husband. They never saw me with love and affection and they are also peeve with my daughter. Criticizing on every matter, fight for food, business is run by all in our family and all the hard work is done only by my husband. Thanks to Allah that there is so much beatitude in wealth in at our place.

During the duration of two and half years I went many times to my mother’s home and on their saying that there will be no quarrel now, respecting the elders,  obeying the order of parents I used to go back after apologizing. It was good for some time and then it began again. Again this time there is a quarrel between m husband and his parents on a general matter and I am at my mother’s place with my husband. I and my husband both want to take a separate house by parent’s prayers, love and affection, not get separated from the business, so that we can also serve parents. They ask us to come again and say that now we will not say anything as they used to say before.

You tell that when there will be a quarrel everyday then from where beatitude will come? Give us suggestion that should we buy separate house? Give solution of these problems. Allah will bless you for this and I will pray for you till my death. I am very sad.

Answer:

I read your letter with concentration. The dispute of mother in law and daughter in law has been always upsetting. And till where there is concern of experience   the fault is not one sided, but it is from both sides. Mother-in-law use to criticize on the minor mistakes of daughter- in- law and use to make faces. And daughter who is loveable by her parents consider the advice of her mother-in-law to be shame for her. This two sided low temper become the basis of a continuous fight.

Solution:

The solution of your problem is that if you have such courage and believe that you can bear every act of her, to welcome her low temper happily and consider a sin to say “no” on her any order then you will surely go back to her and this will be nobleness of your world and hereafter. To serve the old parents of your husband with this courage and tolerance will make your future bright and everyone will notice the beatitudes of this with open eyes.

Matter of ego and courage:

And if you do not have such courage to erase your opinion and ego in front of her then it is better for you that live in a separate house with your husband. And don’t have the intention of no connection with in laws but have the motive to avoid the pain which is faced by his parents because of living together and disobeying them. Separate by considering yourself reprehensible. Not by reprehension of parents.

Obey parents and live happily:

And after getting separate from them their financial support should be considered an honor. To live with your husband at your parents place is not suitable. It insults the parents of husband. Yes, there is no issue to have the cooperation of your parents in getting separate living and business. I have presented all the conditions of your problem; you can adopt any of them according to your situation. To be unhappy, sad and sorrowful of your husband from his parents because of you might be a cause of pest for you and your husband.

That’s why your every possible attempt must be that the relation of your husband with his parents must be more and more prosperous and he should be obedient to them because to obey parents is the reason to success in the world and hereafter.

Note :

This post was taken from some book, so if you don’t agree with the answer, its up to you 🙂


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May Allah SWT bless all Muslim brothers and sisters with happiness in their family life!

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