Responsibilities of Husbands to their Reverted Wives
How can husbands help their wives, who have recently embraced Islam? What is the difference of a husband who leaves his wife learning on her own from one who helps her strengthen her faith?
The day a man marries the daughter of another man, he becomes the new custodian of that woman; acknowledged as husband — a word intertwined with responsibilities. However, the husband of a revert has greater responsibility regarding her spiritual understanding of the religion, and sometimes, cultural adaptation as well.
The struggle is real! Isn’t it? Husbands are the most influential persons and the foremost supporters for their wives as well; the guardian and the carer.
In his sermon, on Hajj-a’tul-Wida (The last (and first) Hajj of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)), He said:
“O People! Fear Allah with regard to your wives. You have taken them into your possession (marriage) with the permission of Allah”.
Types of Husbands
There are two certain types of husbands:
motivate, guide and uplift their wives, help them understand things that are confusing or difficult to decipher.
just leave their wives to learn and understand the new religion on their own. Having the reason of “busy at work or business”, is not a ground for you to justify that you cannot give little time to your wife.
Narrated by Abu Hurayrah (R.A.), the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said,
“Among the Muslims the most perfect, as regards his faith, is the one whose character is excellent, and the best among you are those who treat their wives well”.
Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith No. 628
When the husband chooses to leave her wife to learn by herself, she feels as a neglected wife, causing her to be stressed and sad, she may lose confidence about herself and faith, worst is, she might leave the new religion, when it seems difficult for her to adapt and quench her confusions. Whereas, the wife espoused with love and fed with support by her husband gets aplomb in a certain way.
Husbands can be more helpful to their reverted wives if they have below qualities:
- A fatherly figure — Women are sensitive and emotional, and it is really strenuous for them to figure out a certain subject that’s new to them. They need guidance, advice, and encouragement. Your motivation uplifts their morals and spirituality.
- A Teacher — Embracing new faith is not as easy as having a cup of tea (reverts can relate to that). They need time to adjust, adapt and understand. Husbands! Be the teacher to your wives, she might know much about her expertise, but nobody is perfect, her faith may or may not be her most difficult subject, as a revert.
- Her best friend — Be someone that she can confide with. The one she can depend on through thick and thin. She’s not just your wife; she is your partner for life time and here after. Spend quality time with her. Study and learn with her.
Advice for Women
Wives! Be submissive to your husbands. If your husbands are treating you right, Al-hamdulillah! Praise Allah for that. Please your husbands, because like you, they also need encouragement. Share funny moments, make them feel special and loved. But, if your husband neglects you, be patient, talk to him calmly and vent your concerns. Ask him to help you cope if you’re struggling. Stay silent when he is angry. There is proper time to settle arguments. Respect each other. In Sha Allah, everything will be all right!
An-Nasa’i narrated that the Prophet (PBUH) was asked, “Who is the best of women?” He said,
“The one who pleases him (her husband) if he looks at her, obeys him if he orders (her) and does not subject her honor or money to what he dislikes.”
Communication is very important in marriage. It connects us together and helps us understand crucial things. It unites broken relationship and let us embraces each other’s differences by understanding, but of course, with strong faith in Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala.
Husbands can help reverts learn and accept faith by heart, it may be gradual, but surely, with determination and patience. Try to make the habit of praying together and read the Qur’an. Learning is a process. And working-out the marriage is a two-way street.
Pray and learn the faith together. With Allah’s Blessings and Mercy, no one can bend what is under HIS (SWT) protection. To end with, here’s a verse from the Holy Qur’an, that we must always remember.
“Another of His signs is that He created mates of your own kind of yourselves so that you may get peace of mind from them, and has put love and compassion between you. Verily there are signs in this for those who reflect.” (Surah Ar-Rum, 21)
May Allah SWT bless all Muslim brothers and sisters with happiness in their family life!DISCLAIMER: The articles and views posted on this blog are the opinions of individual authors only and as such may not reflect the opinions of Pious Couple staff, editors and readers. They are solely meant for educational purposes and not any illegal purpose. The authors/shuyookh are not responsible or liable for the intentional, reckless, or negligent actions of any individual. Any person who posts, quotes, cites, copies or otherwise relies on any article or comment associated in any way with Pious Couple blog bears sole responsibility for his or her actions, choices and words. While constructive criticism and meaningful discussions are welcome; abusive comments, name calling or intolerance towards other religions, race, sex, countries, etc., will not be entertained. Pious Couple reserves all rights to delete/edit any type of comment or discussion that is inappropriate Islamically, morally or otherwise.