Start of Marital Life – First Night Advice to Wife
Usually, all men are blessed with marriage and so come their first night of relationship. This night leaves an impact on your whole married life, so one should adopt an attitude that may be remembered positively by his wife lifelong. Also there is a saying that, “First Impression is the Last Impression”, so husbands should give such an impression to their wives that they become an admirer of their religiousness, love and competency.
Here, in this article we will share a precious piece of advice, and we hope that if Allah wills, He will abolish the conflicts between your wife and your family, if you practice the suggestion, especially when you are living in a joint family system with your mother, sisters, brothers, their wives. .
While you praise your wife, seeing her for the first time, being affectionate, admiring her clothing and jewelry, also tells her that your real pearl will be your good qualities.
Adopt Forgiveness – Learn to Forget
Tips to Wife: If in some situations, my mother or sisters or brother’s wife may deals with you in a way that you do not consider suitable or even if they are genuinely wrong, then kindly, do not complain this to me often, instead, forgive them to gain Allah’s assent, to have much reward in the life hereafter. You should not have complaints like:
- Your mother has treated me badly
- You sister adopts a contemptuous accent
- Your brother’s wife do not talk to me properly
- Your niece destroyed my things and your siblings do not stop them
- Your family do not like the food I cook and points many faults
Remember! If you repeatedly discuss these things then it’s greatest disadvantage will be that I may start feeling bad about you. God forbidden, if I listen to your grumbles and assuming them 100% true I may talk harshly to my mother, then we will both ruin our this world and here after. When men return home from work they are already tired & exhausted; so you can understand what they might feel if his wife or mother details him about their dispute. My humble request is to avoid this and if Allah wills, you will yourself observe its positive effects.
Suggestion to Mother & Sisters: Dear Bridegroom, you should also request your mother and others at home that they should not inform you about their mutual conflicts and should solve them intelligently and patiently by themselves.
Therefore, if your wife tells you something about the mother/sister-in-law, refrains her from complaining and request her to be tolerant and solve the issue herself. Also bring into her knowledge that you have already asked your family not to share anything of the domestic disputes.
Importance of the Advice: At times, the wife thinks that his mother may tell him some fiction stories about her to make him discontented, so she must tell the truth to her husband before he goes to his mother. On the other hand, mother is waiting anxiously for his son to come to her before he sees his wife, being afraid that the wife may start complaining. So the best solution to avoid the situation is to tell both parties that you must peacefully resolve your grudges by yourself and do not involve me.
Adverse Effects of Grievances: It has come into observation that sometimes when man returns home over whelmed and exhausted by many of his workplace worries, and his wife or mother opened their Pandora box of grievances, the poor man may became angry and utter such words to his wife that make him regret the whole life, or may disrespects his mother and in the same anger his mother also sighs and ask Allah that this couple should be rewarded adversely as they teased her. This suspiration will destroy their lives and of their off springs as well.
So our dear bridegroom, you must promise yourself that you should not pay heed to any of such complaints of women against each other. Instead you should enlighten them with the benefits of forgiveness and forbearance. Tell them that if today, you will bear the differences openheartedly, tomorrow your younger generation will do the same with you! This difference of opinions is among worldly trials that we humans are given to be tested, and for bearing these we are rewarded in the life hereafter.
“O, My Dear Wife, it is a great endeavor and impressive quality if you lean to compromise with the other members of my family. Please show patience if you are genuinely hurt by my mother’s or anyone’s attitude as one can never be at ultimate peace in this world of assessments.”
Be Kind When Children Fight
If the kids of my siblings have fights with our children or disrespect you, then please be polite and explicate them kindly, in the same loving way you will elucidate something to your own beloved children. Offer them sweets while you give them a genteel lecture. We are grown up so should not take the fights among children seriously and must solve the dispute wisely.
Here, let me also share with you some techniques you can adopt while dealing with children:
- If the child is having high fever, or he mostly remains angry, recite Bismillahi’r-Rahmani’r-Rahim (In the name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful) seven times on the food before you give it to kids.
- Recite Ya Latifu (O The Most Gentle) seven times on water and give them to children.
Be a Caring and Respectful Bhabi (Brother’s Wife)
Elder Son’s Wife – Be Compassionate: If you are wife of the eldest son of the family then your duty is to be kind and compassionate to your younger sisters/brother-in-law and their wives. Shower them with motherly behavior and you will surely get respect and love in return.
Younger Son’s Wife – Be Respectful: If you are younger among rest of the folks, then be respectful. Younger sister should not mind if elder sister scolds her or instruct her something. Respect them like your own elder sister. Be forgiving and loving, Allah will surely reward you with respect and pious descendants.
NOTE: The above article was written majorly while keeping in view the family system of Asia, especially the sub-continent. Life styles may vary from place to place, and along with them the requirements of a family system but general habits of being compassionate, humble and loving are always required and admired.
Above are some illustrations husbands should persuade their wife with, and should remain calm if women at home share some grievances against each other.
Summarizing the discussion, to maintain tranquility you have to be wise, ignore the complaints from your wife against your family members and similarly, do not pay heed to criticism on your wife from the family. To increase love and understanding among the family members, one should give gifts to them. Abu Huraira (May Allah Be Pleased With Him) reported, The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
“Give each other gifts and you will love each other.”