The Organized Muslimah: Clarity and Motivation
Being a Muslimah is a very hard role in all aspects, being a servant of Allah, being a daughter, being a wife, being a daughter in law, being a friend, a work colleague, the list goes on!
To fulfill any of these roles properly, each Muslimah in my opinion needs to follow these points so that they are clear about their role, the do’s and donts and with this the motivation of fulfilling these roles will come.
The points below will be specifically directed at a wife or a sister who is looking to get married.
Be clear of your role and how you need to fulfill it.
In this day and age and probably even in the next twenty years, we will always have this ongoing vicious circle of the Culture VS Islam and Islam VS Culture battle. As Muslims, we know that Allah is our Raab and his guidelines and rules are the only ones to follow and that true reward and the attainment of Jannah will come from Allah alone and no-one else. Whether you are looking to get married or are married, always refer to the Quran and Sunnah and know your role clearly, especially before marriage, so that you and your spouse both know what your role is as a wife and as a daughter in law.
After establishing these rules, you will be able to fulfill them and when troubles arise, even though it will be hard to deal with these clashes, you will always have one thing at the back of your mind and this is that everything is for Allah and all the reward is from Allah. There will be clashes with in-laws and that will always be because of culture and expectations and views of what they want you to be as a wife but don’t ever let that get merged into your role. Fulfill your role as a daughter in law in the folds of Islam, be kind and respectful and do what Allah says in regards to them but do not let them bully you into thinking you are not good enough or not doing enough.
This will motivate your husband to do the same
If your husband sees that you are fulfilling your role as a wife islamically, then he in turn will be motivated to fulfill his role as a husband. Your actions will drive him to be a better husband, the one who can fulfill what he needs to and be the only who can check every list on the box.
Know your duties with in-laws or be doormat
Many sisters go into marriage full of energy wanting to fit in, fit in with their husband’s siblings and husband’s parents so they will push themselves and make lots of effort to please them all and to kick start a great relationship. This is good and useful of course, but it has its dangers, you don’t want the family holding you to that character and turning it from a good action on your part into an expectation you have to fulfill for the rest of your life. This goes back to knowing your role and duties with in-laws or they will expect more from you and you will not find contentment in that or they will treat you like a doormat if you continue to go outside of the clear guidelines Allah has placed on you and thus end up being upset.
Reward from Allah will motivate you to do more
Wives, know your rights and be clear on what is made lawful on you, but that does not mean you cannot do more than you should or make more effort. Remember the more you do, the more kindness you will receive back and ultimately the more reward you will get from Allah. Remember anything you do to make your husband’s family happy will make him happy and naturally when he is happy and recognizes and appreciates the extra you do, you will be motivated to do more and he will be motivated to please you too.
Know your boundaries with your husband and don’t overstep the mark
Sisters, you have your rights over your husbands but they most certainly have rights over you. You can express your feelings and have a disagreement or little tiffs but know your boundaries when it comes to how you behave with your husband , how you should approach disputes or treat him. Do not overstep the mark, because when that happens, you risk losing his trust and respect and then things inevitably will go downhill from there.
Once things are said or done they cannot be reversed
Words are very powerful and once things are said or once things have been done, they are impossible to reverse but always have a lasting scar. Whether it’s your husband, in-laws or whoever, always be clear in any situation and always think about your words and actions and what the impact of them will be. It’s natural to just react but you don’t want to end up regretting things. Be clear and ask yourself, do I need to say it? Is it useful to say it? Will anything good come from it? Can I just keep it in?
Be clear about your purpose in life
In this Dunya we can all get caught up with the worldly life of gadgets, fashion, career, material items etc. Re-evaluate your purpose in life and know why you here on Earth and what your ultimate aim in life is. This will help you be motivated in all ways to live contently and to fulfill your purpose in life.
I pray Allah gives us all the strength to stay on the straight path and always choose to please him first above others. I pray Allah grants us all Sabr in difficult times and blesses us in our marriages and relationships with others. Ameen
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