Your Spouse, Your Garment, Treat Them Well
Yes your spouse is your garment. Allah Subhanu-wa-Ta’ala has created the relationship of husband and wife in such a way that they may find peace and tranquility in their lives through each other. They both are supposed to be a source of comfort and happiness to each other. It is mentioned in the Quran:
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (30:21)
The husband wife relationship is a very special, significant and unique relationship, which is metaphorically explained in a beautiful way via the Quran: “
…They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them…” (2:187)
Let us try to understand and analyze this relationship in the light of the term “Libaas- Clothing or Garment”.
1. The Garment Serves To Conceal
The purpose of garment and clothing, in general, is to hide and to cover up the body, in order to hide any disabilities and protect from extreme external environment. Allah Subhanu-wa-Ta’ala mentions the purpose of a garment in the Quran in very clear terms:
“O children of Adam, We have bestowed upon you clothing to conceal your private parts and as adornment.” (7:26)
Therefore, the husband and wife are tied in a relationship where they are supposed to protect each other and cover up on their weaknesses and faults. Every human being possesses flaws and shortcomings, but this relationship is of the sort, that by exposing their spouse’s flaws, it will be like they are exposing themselves.
Unnecessary fights and arguments between husband and wife, where they pin point each other’s mistakes and highlight flaws, do not lead to any significant consequence. These fights just result in them losing their own position and respect in front of their children or other family members. They only weaken themselves and their relationship by such expositions.
If God forbid, a situations arises where they are not able to live on without discussing or exposing the flaws of the other, then the best solution for the wife is to discuss the husband’s shortcoming with his mother, and for the husband to discuss his wife’s shortcoming with her mother.
This is the least disastrous option, provided both the mothers are intelligent enough to understand the issue with wisdom and draft a reasonable solution.
2. The Garment is Meant To Complete Personality
The garment is also meant to beautify the body so as to complete the personality of an individual. It serves as a makeup, making the face and the bodies look more attractive and charming.
Likewise, the husband and wife are supposed to complete each other’s personality in a way that they look charming and delightful in the eyes of others. One of them can take roles and fulfill responsibilities in fields where the other doesn’t hold control or isn’t capable enough.
Also, they can complete their lives via filling in for missed personality traits and moving together, complementing each other in difference walks of life. They can rectify faults and mistakes, incorrectly made decisions together with tenderness without making a fuss out of it and move on.
Just like the clothing quietly does it’s work and enhances a person’s personality so as to make him presentable to the world or to specific situations.
3. The Garment You Wear Is Meant For You
An individual must always understand that the clothing they may use, and wear, is most of the time, stitched and selected as per their size, requirements and preferences. It won’t do justice to the clothing, if one wears it, and then maintains a feeling of disapproval and dissatisfaction.
The garment will fail to serve the purpose of beautification when it is charming and appropriate but the person wearing it is a huge mess himself, with a frowning look.
Similarly, feelings of thanklessness and discontentment ruin the relationship. More than often, the husband and wife are not satisfied with their married life, because of their spouse, and they look at other people with awe and fancy their friends’ husbands, etc. This behavior is extremely inappropriate.
It is just like you are trying to wear someone else’s clothing, not realizing the fact that the other one is not meant, not stitched for you and the variations in size will tear it if you struggle with it.
Perfect match for you
Allah Subhanu-wa-Ta’ala has carved a perfect match for you, as per your personality, your need and your preferences. The only problem is that you are not wearing it the right way and are struggling to put it over upside down.
It may happen that you may not be satisfied with your spouse but remember, a confidence, peaceful and content look with a simple garment also beautifies the personality, and makes it more appealing.
There may be much more goodwill in your spouse and the relationship, but the problem lies with the angle you might be viewing it with. Allah Subhanu-wa-Ta’ala mentions in the Quran:
“…And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” (4:19)
Therefore, an important instruction for both of them to have an optimistic approach and concentrate on the positive personality traits of their spouse and aspects of their relationship rather than clinging to minor weaknesses or shortcomings that every other human being on the face of this earth possesses.
Learn to accept the other person as he or she is, be realistic and shun the myth of perfectionism in relationships.
4. Protect Your Garment
A person takes care of his clothing in daily life. If the garment gets dirty or is stained, he will wash it for sure, press it and make it look clean and fresh again. He will stitch back a button if broken or a stitch if it comes out.
If a little hole is created in his beloved garment, he will make sure to take some precautionary measures in order to restrict the hole from extending and will move on to the nearest possible solution.
Similarly, the husband and wife relationship also needs such care and protection. If a hole is created in the garment through some fight, some ill will, then it is supposed to be taken care of, not aggravated through more arguments but protected and stitched back in time, through patience, perseverance and polite mutual discussions.
Silence is a success key to all fights. The more you will say, the more matters will become crucial and complex to handle. Silencing yourself controls the situation.
Disagreement and Conflict
Also, if any disagreement and conflict builds up between a husband and wife, they should not wait or prolong it but should resolve it without any further delay, because, just like a stain is washed immediately in order to remove it completely, conflicts resolved immediately will not leave signs of the original stain on the garment.
Delaying the issue will only strengthen the stain and thus, will require more energy to wash it away.
Moreover, the stains should be washed by the person who was originally responsible for them. However, woman is directed to initiate the process. As the washing laundry work is her responsibility and she exactly knows how to do it. The wife is supposed to let go of her ego, which is easier as compared to the husband, and begin the resolution process. She should not wait and delay the process until further notice.
She has been fashioned in a way to make sacrifices and compromises for her family, for her house.
5. How Fit Is Your Body In The Garment You Wear?
The garment you wear has a special proximity to your body. A garment too loose will not serve its purpose and will be termed as inappropriate. A garment too tight might suffocate a person. Therefore, the garment needs to have a prescribed nearness to the body.
Such is the relationship between the husband and wife. They are supposed to be near enough that they become like best friends and are able to share secrets. Also, they should have commitment that they protect each other’s secrets. The wife has the duty and responsibility not to spread secrets or discuss about her and her husband’s internal matters with outsiders.
However, they should also give some space to each other and should not bind each other to the extent that the spouse doesn’t have any personal life. The relationship needs to be a balanced one.
6. Do Not Stain Your Garment With Your Own Hands
An individual takes care not to pollute their clothing with their own hands and avoids wiping dirty hands on their shirts. However, it is very common for the husband and wife to treat each other as a garbage dump, in the sense that they might wait the whole day to take off all their unnecessary rants and complains in front of each other.
The wife would wait for the whole day, and when the husband comes home, tired and exhausted from work, she is ready most of the time, to list down the unfortunate happenings of the day. Meanwhile, the same happens with the husband, who is waiting to unleash all the office burdens, pressures and other irritations on his wife, in the form of anger, as he enters home.
The spouse should think before carrying out such an act, because they both are valuable and precious for each other and by doing so, they are only staining their own garment and harming their relationship, which can lead to disastrous affects in the long run. Both of them have to be a source of peace and comfort for each other, instead.
Therefore, if one metaphorically compares their relationship to that of a garment, they will inshaa Allah, be able to relate to a lot of realities of life in a better way and will be able to maintain a healthy and a blissful married life.
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May Allah SWT bless all Muslim brothers and sisters with happiness in their family life!
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